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Nov 8, 2007
1,523
Hunter 27_75-84 Sandusky Harbor Marina, Ohio
Is that Conneaut, Ohio?

How about trying a little cruise? Get an anchor. Pack a lunch. Sail to a protected place (on the windward side of the harbor if you are in Ohio.) Drop the hook and the sail. Eat lunch. Relax on the boat, reading or just watching the water. The Admiral and I call this being “butt lazy.” One of our favorite parts of cruising.
 
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jwing

.
Jun 5, 2014
503
ODay Mariner Guntersville
Some people just don't get the appeal. That can be said for any activity.

Consider this: Trailer sailing is a LOT of WORK and anxiety. There are many things that can go wrong before, during, and after sailing. Monohulls feel like they are going to capsize. Then there is the boom swinging with a deadly vengeance, just a few inches from ducked heads. Now all that may be worthwhile to the person who appreciates the appeal of sailing, but to those who don't, sailing is hardly an intelligent way to relax.

You give a few clues to the solution in your posts:
I motor away from the ramp before I raise the mainsail and have him keeping us from hitting things.
Instead of starting off with a period of high-anxiety, you should learn how to steer the boat without the need for a human fender.
... and also told him that I did not want him to not enjoy it as much as me.
That is high-pressure sales. Maybe good for used cars, but not for romantic relationships.

I love the boat but I do find it a bit awkward at times ...
How do you think that makes him feel?

...its just quite nerve racking for the both of us lol
OK, it's nerve racking for you, now multiply by 10 or 100 to understand what he is going through.

I don't care why he enjoys it I just want him to enjoy it almost as much as me.
Maybe you should care more about the why and less about the how much.

I asked him why he doesn't want to learn and he said it was too much work lol.
It is an absolutely valid point and absolutely not something to lol about. Figure out ways to make it less work. For example, go earlier than him, set up the boat completely and in the water so that when he arrives, all he has to do is step off the dock and into the boat. Hand him his favorite beverage as a welcome aboard gesture.

issue this summer by raising the stepping block a few inches. (hopefully that will make raising the mast easier too)
I think it will make raising the mast more difficult. If possible on your boat, reef the mainsail, then position the boom higher by pulling up the sail with the halyard.


Imagine that you are just starting out with this guy and you want to impress him and show him a good time, so you ask him out on a sailing date. How would that go, compared to how you've been doing it?
 

Kermit

.
Jul 31, 2010
5,657
AquaCat 12.5 17342 Wateree Lake, SC
Some people just don't get the appeal. That can be said for any activity.

Consider this: Trailer sailing is a LOT of WORK and anxiety. There are many things that can go wrong before, during, and after sailing. Monohulls feel like they are going to capsize. Then there is the boom swinging with a deadly vengeance, just a few inches from ducked heads. Now all that may be worthwhile to the person who appreciates the appeal of sailing, but to those who don't, sailing is hardly an intelligent way to relax.

You give a few clues to the solution in your posts:
Instead of starting off with a period of high-anxiety, you should learn how to steer the boat without the need for a human fender.
That is high-pressure sales. Maybe good for used cars, but not for romantic relationships.

How do you think that makes him feel?

OK, it's nerve racking for you, now multiply by 10 or 100 to understand what he is going through.

Maybe you should care more about the why and less about the how much.

It is an absolutely valid point and absolutely not something to lol about. Figure out ways to make it less work. For example, go earlier than him, set up the boat completely and in the water so that when he arrives, all he has to do is step off the dock and into the boat. Hand him his favorite beverage as a welcome aboard gesture.

I think it will make raising the mast more difficult. If possible on your boat, reef the mainsail, then position the boom higher by pulling up the sail with the halyard.


Imagine that you are just starting out with this guy and you want to impress him and show him a good time, so you ask him out on a sailing date. How would that go, compared to how you've been doing it?
Well said my friend. Well said.
:beer::beer::beer:
 

Kermit

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Jul 31, 2010
5,657
AquaCat 12.5 17342 Wateree Lake, SC
There’s always trickery. Search for the Boat Babe on Strike thread and show it to him while winking and smiling. (I’m not kidding.)
 

JRT

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Feb 14, 2017
2,039
Catalina 310 211 Lake Guntersville, AL
So I find it pretty hard to change a spouses mind if they are truly not interested. You both have to really look at what is the attraction and you may need to sell that trailer sailor, have him find the perfect pontoon boat and you could get a small dingy racer to bring with the pontoon boat on day trips. Maybe down the road he will see the fun sporty dingy and give it a try. We started with a 25' O'Day and after a few years I learned it was fun and sporty for my daughter and I but cramped for my son and nature of the small boat made my wife nervous. We are about a month into a Catalina 310, but this weekend was a ah ha moment when my son said he really liked the big boat so he had some space and my wife loved the sailing and started waiting to learn and do more.
 
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WayneH

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Jan 22, 2008
1,039
Tartan 37 287 Pensacola, FL
Onion sack, 20 feet of line and his favorite beer.
Put beer in onion sack.
Tie one end of line to sack.
Cleat the other end off on the boat.
Go sailing.
At lunch break, pull in line and remove beer. Should be cold by now.

This won't work for me. I like rum. :biggrin:
 
Oct 19, 2017
7,733
O'Day 19 Littleton, NH
Little White Dragon,
Welcome aboard the good ship SBO. Everyone is here to help and these other sailors really know their stuff. I'm mostly here for the free food.:shhh:

Without getting too out of line, it looks like we are discussing a female/male relationship when we should be considering a male/male relationship. I hope it is not offensive to ask if that is the case. It's not that it really makes any difference, but it is nice to use the right language.

Often, the issues around bringing one half of a partnership into an activity the other half is already competent in is one of control. I have no idea if this is the case here, I'm just making a suggestion as to a direction to look in.

If one person doesn't like to be the one left following the lead of the other, they may resist entering into activities they have to defer expertise in, to the other partner. If such is the case, finding a neutral and recognized expert to help guide you both may be a better way to introduce your husband to this new activity. Allow him to learn on his own, avoid "instructing" in ways that make him feel helpless, secondary or demeaned. Help him keep his personal identity and sense of self-worth intact.

My wife and I struggle with that dynamic all the time. She does not like taking orders any more than I do and it is far easier for her to take a backseat to a neutral expert than let me be the only one calling the shots. I, of course, don't suffer from those same human frailties:liar:. I'm perfectly content to let her be the expert where I am the noob :snooty:.
After looking up your boat design and watching a video. The luger is not classically beautiful. She seems to sail quite well, however, and I can't help but wonder if there is a sense of self- consciousness around the boat itself? Perhaps someone has made a crack about the looks of your little yacht that your husband can't get past. Again, pure speculation that I thought I might throw out there for consideration. If something like that is going on, remind him, and yourself, boats are expensive and just owning a boat that sails, let alone sails well, is something to feel proud of. Few of us have everything we ever wanted in a boat, but we have boats and sailors content themselves with working with what they've got. Don't get a different boat just because you may feel it doesn't project the image you might want. Jwing is right on, it just might not be his thing. Only patience and time will tell that.

Congratulations on your new boat and good luck with you exciting quest to enter into the world of sailboat ownership. Please keep us posted and we love pictures.
Welcome aboard.

-Will (Dragonfly)
 

Kermit

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Jul 31, 2010
5,657
AquaCat 12.5 17342 Wateree Lake, SC
I’ve given this thread more real thought. It sounds to me like you and your husband have different interests. That doesn’t have to be a bad thing. There are things I’d like to share with my wife but she’s not interested. And I sure as heck hate shopping. She drags me along at times and even likes to tell me about her shopping trips. Oh how I hate hearing about an extra 20% off at the register. But I love her and patiently pretend to be interested. But I REALY wish she wouldn’t include me in any of that. She patiently sort of encourages me to study the Apollo program more and more while listening to me tell her the latest trivia about Apollo 16. And she even patiently listens to what I’ve learned here in SBO. She and I love to sail together. But we don’t always do every little thing together. It’s ok. I’m sure he’s interested in things you’re not interested in. Go sailing. Enjoy your boat. Go home. Enjoy your husband.
(Wow. This is about the most rational reply I’ve ever posted.)
 
Oct 22, 2014
20,996
CAL 35 Cruiser #21 moored EVERETT WA
This is about the most rational reply I’ve ever posted.
And a great one. Boy now that you have done it we can look forward to great things coming in the future.
 
Apr 27, 2019
15
Luger Seabreeze 16 Conneaut
Is that Conneaut, Ohio?

How about trying a little cruise? Get an anchor. Pack a lunch. Sail to a protected place (on the windward side of the harbor if you are in Ohio.) Drop the hook and the sail. Eat lunch. Relax on the boat, reading or just watching the water. The Admiral and I call this being “butt lazy.” One of our favorite parts of cruising.
yes it is ohio and we should do that
 
Apr 27, 2019
15
Luger Seabreeze 16 Conneaut
Thank you all for the opinions and help I think we have figured out how we need to go about things to get him more comfortable in the sailing world. I appreciate all of the kind words and experience you all have to offer.
 

Tedd

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Jul 25, 2013
745
TES 246 Versus near Vancouver, BC
This sounds a bit similar to the situation I had with my wife. I sailed dinghies and sailboards when I was younger. When my wife and I first got together I took her out in a Bombardier 3.8 thinking she'd enjoy it, but it was no fun for her. She wasn't expecting to get wet (my fault for not explaining it better), the boat isn't comfortable for two people, the boom was a constant threat, etc. Fast forward twenty years and I've decided I'd like to get back into sailing, with a keel boat. She's convinced she won't like it but agreed to go for a day sail with a couple I knew who had a boat like the one I wanted to get. She was surprised to find that she liked it with a bigger boat--dry, safe, and at least somewhat less risk from the boom. The issue was that the smaller boat just wasn't comfortable and safe-feeling enough for her. Now she loves sailing and we go all the time.
I don't know if it's in the budget for you, but your husband might be more comfortable in something a little bigger.