Sailing single-handed; what does the First Mate say?

Anonymous 121765 · Oct 17, 2016

Being a single guy, I've sailed with some pretty amazing women over the years.
Many were mere neophytes having never operated or sailed a boat before.

Sailing with friends, there seems to be a male mentality of, "I AM the captain."
I've witnessed this over the years. Guy captains whether they do it consciously or not, seem to relegate
their female mates to much minor roles while sailing.

I on the other hand, have always made sure to include my female guest in the overall sailing experience giving them the feeling that yea, "I am not only a sitting guest but rather.........an equal crewmember."

Many times, I've seen the captain's woman just sitting there while the guy captain does everything & thus she remains just simply an observer. I on the other hand, make sure to involve my female guest in sail handling, line adjustments, course steering & the dynamic principles of sailing. Now, she can then feel directly involved & enjoy the experience that much more. Let's face it, anyone can go below to get drinks or food.

I also believe that alot of women seem to steer a boat better than men even after a quick course in the dynamics. I think it has something to do with their superior patience vs. men. If your lady friend learns the "ropes," it can make your trip so much more enjoyable & also less physical. It can also give us guys time to go below to maybe re-do our makeup, maybe our hair knowing that the boat is in good hands topside right?

CR

Scott T-Bird · Oct 17, 2016

Well, the issue that the original post raises IS a valid concern. Like it our not, many of us often sail without our wives. Just because we're married doesn't mean that we don't have independent interests. We can't always expect our wives, or husbands for that matter, to always be in sync with regard to all of the various activities that envelop our lives. In other words, having a spouse doesn't mean we are attached like Siamese twins. Besides, just as Sue enjoys spending time to do as she pleases, I like to sail singlehanded as much as I like to sail with her. There are different challenges in single-handing that I really enjoy.

The issue is that your spouse is right to be concerned about safety. When you have somebody else to think about, the only responsible thing to do is to respect their concern and take measures accordingly to reduce the concern. If your wife has a fear for your safety that you can't mitigate, then there may not be a solution for you, other than to sail only when you can go together.

justsomeguy · Oct 17, 2016

captnron said:
If your lady friend learns the "ropes," it can make your trip so much more enjoyable & also less physical. It can also give us guys time to go below to maybe re-do our makeup, maybe our hair knowing that the boat is in good hands topside right?

Then there are the ropes regarding MOB. Might you go forward whilst said lady friend is piloting?
My hair and makeup's just fine.

jeepbluetj · Oct 17, 2016

I singlehand, wife doesn't mind. I'll wear a PFD when I'm by myself. Hardest part of singlehanding is getting into the main marina channel without running over a paddleboard or kayak.

My wife can do every single task on the boat that I can. She's not going to tweak sail trim like I do, but everything else is fine. She docks better than I do. She doesn't like to hand steer, and neither do I. (Autopilots are wonderful things)

I often have female friends on the boat too - and I'll let anybody run the boat. I'm happiest when I've got a few guests running the boat so I don't have to do anything.

Stu Jackson · Oct 17, 2016

My wife keeps saying: "Boy, you enjoy the boat so much going out by yourself, but I don't understand; you keep comin' back!"

My hair's always a mess. What little there is left of it.

JohnVTX · Oct 17, 2016

I understand....

Chief RA · Oct 17, 2016

I have sailed with my wife for 30+ years and she has had ample opportunity to develop sailing skill levels. I try to teach her but she shows little interest except for how to steer and retrieve a MOB. Can't have everything I guess. Chief

jssailem · Oct 17, 2016

Stu, You might tell her, "like an English Penny." They used to be about the size of a half-dollar. A few of them in your pocket and you walked with a list.

Messed up hair, wear a hat. Unless your bragging.

jssailem · Oct 17, 2016

We would all like more, but I can settle with MOB retrieval.

Scotty C-M · Oct 17, 2016

I'm going on a short four day trip this weekend. I'm sailing about 40 miles up the coast from Santa Cruz to Half Moon Bay. My wife usually goes on these trips, but is unable to go this time, so I'm going solo. She asked me if I wanted to take a friend, and I told her I'm really looking forward to some time on the boat by myself - I'd rather be with her, but if not, I'd like to go by myself. She was a little concerned (because there is no refuge between the two ports). We talked about the trip, what preperations I've made, the use of saftey gear (she likes me to be jacked-in when I'm solo), and my plans to handle unexpected weather. This kind of trip planning helps both of us. She's part of the trip in this way, which I like, and it gives us a chance to examine any concerns. Like most things in our marriage, better communications make a happier wife.

And a happy wife, makes a happy life...

SailormanDan · Oct 17, 2016

Yes, I single-hand a lot of the time, my wife doesn't like sailing. I wear an automatically inflating life vest when I'm aboard, put it on before I start running around untying lines. I plan on sailing the Bay for a week or 2 in the next couple of years and plan on doing it alone, if only for the experience.

"It is better to stand on the dock wishing you were sailing instead of sailing and wishing you were standing on the dock; but you'll never sail around the world while standing on the dock."

justsomeguy · Oct 17, 2016

jssailem said:
We would all like more, but I can settle with MOB retrieval.

Which entails sail handling, motor deployment and probably a few more things that aren't coming to me just yet...

jssailem · Oct 17, 2016

Yes JSG. All of the above.
I figure my best chance is motoring with her at the wheel. Anything else is why I always carry a fully charged VHF portable with DSC and GPS. I just hope that someone gets to me before I freeze....

Chief RA · Oct 17, 2016

MOB for my wife entails trip both sails, electric start motor, steer to person. Keep it simple! Chief

rgranger · Oct 17, 2016

I sail more with my kids than the wife.... and once each season I will toss a life jacket overboard, let go of the tiller and announce that I have just fallen off...

then we see what happens... at the very least a good way to start an important conversation... The kids have gotten much better over the years and now I usually get "rescued" but sometimes it gets quite hilarious.

Bad Obsession · Oct 17, 2016

I haven't read all of these but this pertains to me in a big way.

I have years of single handed sailing on the Chesapeake Bay. My current boat, the Compac 23, has seen 5 cruises of over a week so far and a lot of other shorter cruises. My wife is okay with my time out but there are some things I do to relieve concerns.

First, I check in frequently. She wants me to plan down to the day where I am going but I can't stand trying to keep to a schedule. I give her a general thought on what I may do but I will text of call in the evening to let her know where I am.

Second, mind the weather. If it is going to be bad out there why go out. I choose, especially in the smaller boat, my big water hops mindfully. I try to not be out in the bay in 25 knots of wind. If it is going to be windy I try to go to a place that is a favorable point of sail.

Third, have your boat set up for it! Make sure you have a boat that is in good shape and everything works. For God's sake make sure that you have a VHF that works good. My current setup has the VHF linked to the GPS so I see AIS targets but I also have it set up so that if I press a distress button my GPS position is relayed to the Coast Guard. I also carry back-up portable VHF radios. The backups are waterproof so if I am out in snotty weather I can strap one of those to me just in case.

Fourth, try to travel with others. Often I will sail with my Uncle in the area. We may not be in the same exact place but often he is close by. I have other friends that I sail with as well. Hell, the more the better because rafting up and goofing off is fun!

Make sure your wife knows of your plans and your abilities. She needs to trust in you and your abilities. Keep her updated and if she is really worried, buy a device that tracks your progress and allows you to check in.

weinie · Oct 17, 2016

I'm with Stu.
I get the "hey, how come your not on your boat" if it's nice out.

ETA: and no I don't clip on and only wear my pfd when doing crazy shit like flying the spinnaker alone or in +15knts or if its blowing stink.

capta · Oct 17, 2016

All this talk of going overboard. I just don't get it. In over 50 years of being on the water almost continuously, I have NEVER had anybody go over the side on any boat I've owned or operated. NEVER. Not novices nor experienced sailors or seamen. NO ONE. And trust me, I've not spent those years as a fair weather sailor.
The constant obsession on here over this makes it seem that most believe that sooner or later everyone HAS to go over the side. Not so! Perhaps this attitude creates a self fulfilling prophesy? Remember the 900 foot cliff? Isn't that enough to keep you on board? If it's too rough to walk, crawl. Stay low and hold on. Do not rely on equipment, rely on yourself. Do not hope for rescue with Spot, a VHF or any other bit of gear. STAY ON THE BOAT! Period!
You drive defensively don't you? Sail defensively. Safety is not about the equipment one uses, it's about one's awareness of their actions and circumstances and the repercussions.

Benny17441 · Oct 17, 2016

Just curious why just people in the Chesapeake Bay? My wife just asks me to let her know when I will be out and what time I anticipate to be back. I still have some confidence in my judgement and skills so the life jackets still have the store tags on.